The practice always began at the barre. The barre was made of wood, sometimes metal, horizontally attached to the wall or freestanding with a leg at both ends. There, we practiced various ballet positions, using the barre as support if needed. I was a dancer... more or less. My mother enrolled me in my first lesson when I was four years old. I was tiny, and those early lessons were undisciplined. They mainly consisted of hopping up and down. As I got older, my mother enrolled me in a more sophisticated dance school, where I first learned “The Five Positions.” Reflecting on the years spent in classical ballet class, these positions hold a deeper meaning than mere warm-up exercises. They trigger memories of what life was like back then.

First Position: Heels touching, the toes of each foot pointed outward (left foot to the left, right foot to the right). Legs straight and turned outward, following the position of the feet.

When we beginner students started with the first position, I ritualistically did a "tap, tap" with my heels when no one was watching. I mimicked Dorothy (from “The Wizard of Oz”) and her ruby red slippers. Mine weren’t red sequined high heels; they were peach satin pointe shoes. I had peach pointe shoes and not the elegant pink “Capezio” brand ones that the other girls in the class had; my feet were too wide for those. “There’s no place like home...” was a silent plea to escape from the class. The shoe situation made me feel like an outsider. Who am I kidding? It wasn’t just the peach shoes—my body was ungraceful for a dancer. My calves were too muscular, and I was curvy. And my stomach had a little pouch. The truth? I was a healthy, well-fed girl.

Second Position: Heels are one in front of the other, but at a distance equal to the width of the hips. The rest of the position is like the first position, with the toes and legs turned outward on both sides.

Ballet is a display of precision and creativity. Unfortunately, my abilities were lacking. This was especially evident in my choreography. I always dreaded the assigned choreographies. Every time, I reluctantly went to the library to look for something I found interesting to dance to in the classical music archives. In the end, I always chose Tchaikovsky because he was the only composer I knew. (Our school had an annual production of Tchaikovsky’s “The Nutcracker.”) My knowledge of classical music was severely underdeveloped, and I was too lazy to improve this deficiency with research. When it was time to perform, I improvised by dancing to the musical notes of my choreography with senseless movements. The dance began with a look of terror on my face; a drop of sweat rolled along my hairline. My classmates stared, hypnotized by my clumsiness. I pointed my toes and turned, lifted a leg, jumped a few times waving my arms until the music stopped.

Third Position: Start in first position and then slide one foot’s heel to align with the center of the other foot. Both feet should remain pointed in opposite directions.

During the time I spent waiting for one of my parents to pick me up from the classroom door, I always watched the more advanced students practicing. My class was filled with clumsy girls in solid black leotards. In the other class, the ballerinas looked like adults, professionals who spent many hours dancing. Frayed leg warmers, crocheted sweaters, sexy off-the-shoulder leotards. And there were men in the class. Some of them were slightly built, others muscular. The sturdier ones were the preferred partners because they seemed much more stable during lifts. Most of them wore black tights and white T-shirts.

Fourth Position: One foot about twelve inches in front of the other foot. The toes of the rear foot should be aligned with the heel of the front foot.

The formation of the fourth position is like taking a step forward and then going nowhere. Just like what happened during my later years of dance. Time went on, but my skills did not. Besides, I was no longer passionate about ballet; it had been a long time since it gave me much joy. Plus, my feet were growing, and my shoes were becoming very tight, so I thought I had found an easy way out. “Why spend money to buy new pointe shoes, Mom, when I could just quit?” I asked. She disagreed. Even with properly fitting shoes, my toes would bleed, and I needed lamb’s wool to soften the weight of my body. Band-Aids and bloody wool: not a pretty sight. I think at some point, I even lost a toenail.

Fifth Position: Like the fourth position, except there’s no space between the feet. The toes of each foot should be directly in front of the heel of the other foot. Legs are straight and turned in opposite directions.

The fifth position is the most complicated one. I think the most challenging thing about ballet was realizing, many years later, how much I took it for granted. I never recognized the sacrifice my mother made to give me a dance education. She’s passed away, so it’s too late to thank her, unfortunately. I’ve always been disappointed that she never managed to attend the parent-watching classes designed for us students. It was selfish of me, considering that she probably missed those because of work, to earn enough to pay for the lessons. That is, enough money to pay for the lessons and those damn peach pointe shoes.